The course of true love never did run smooth

With daily routines and habits, I find sometimes showing love (I mean more than the habitual kisses and I love you’s) is often overlooked. We often hear about relationships going stale when one or both partner take each other for granted. And then, it becomes too hard to get out of and you become too comfortable in it. So what do you do?

One of the ways I try do is to be aware of myself, first and foremost. I’ve always been a huge believer of loving yourself first and being happy/content with “alone-ness”, which is different from loneliness. In my single days, I used to travel alone, eat dinner alone, or go watch a movie alone. And I never felt uncomfortable or scared or lonely. I liked being with my own thoughts, my own body, and my own sense of security. And I maintain that in my relationship.

When I’m aware of my own state of being, I can also be aware of the people around me. Cherishing the love of your significant other is as time consuming as the love with your family and friends. We don’t realize it but we put 8 hour into out jobs (and possibly 3+ hours of commuting), and our energy is so zapped out by the end of the day, what do we have left for our loved ones?

I make it a priority to set one day a week (that isn’t a Friday) to be our “date night”. We never ever miss date night. I don’t make a big hooplah out of it. We wear what we wear. There’s no primping involved. And we never quite plan the date. But since we are foodies, we always eat. Our date must always surround eating. For awhile, one of our activity was to try a new restaurant in the neighborhood. This year, we are planning to try a new food we’ve never had before. It cultivates intrigue and curiosity, which makes for an interesting relationship. There are times when we can’t have our weekly date on the exact same date but we try to make up for it on another day.

And my biggest no-no’s during the date is mobile phones! All device activities are removed from the conversation. Even when we say, what’s that movie again? Can we imdb or wiki it?

I also do small gestures like packing breakfast or lunch with a little note. He does small gestures like cleaning all the dishes. We take turns doing house chores. We buy small gifts for each other without keeping tabs (this is a big one because if you’re keeping tab, you’re holding onto resentment and expectation, which inevitably make you feel like you’re being taken for granted). If there’s a party at work, I’ll bring some leftover treats. If he’s traveling for work, he brings back a small bag of yummies since I love snacking. Do them because you want to and not because you must. Do them because you enjoy it and not because you have expectations. Do them together because those are the activities you’ll remember when you’re both old and gray and have tons of funny stories to share.

Overall, cherishing love means having that person on your mind enough that you remember to do something that they like. Small gestures are important. But even more important is that both of you acknowledge the effort and are willing to work together for that shared goal and dream of making the relationship work.